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Thoughts From a Retiree's Wandering Mind

From my student Linda T.; as Garfield says, "I resemble.."

I had amnesia once --- or twice.

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

I am neither for, nor against apathy.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

If the world were a logical place, wouldn't men be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle?

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

They told me I was gullible, and I believed them.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

One nice thing about egotists... they don't talk about other people.

My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not so sure.

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

How can there be self-help groups?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain manatees?

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

Is it just me, or do buffalo wings taste a log like chicken?

That's not necessarily the wolf scratching at the door; just as likely, it's the sloth.

Frequently, even a severe drought doesn't prevent someone from being up the creek.

We used to think Mae West was so risque, but somehow she always could remember to bring her underwear.

It's a good thing my backside is so firmly attached. Otherwise, I would almost certainly forget to bring it somewhere.

Goodwill is what holds couples together after the sex is gone.

My stress level is up this morning. Please, hand me the dog to pet.

Marilyn, Sophia, Jayne. Who, today, can hold up a candle to you?

Where were fajitas, focus groups, and deep-dish pizzas when we were children?

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