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The Pelvis Impersonator (Henry Lynn, PunOff 2003)

At the 26th Annual O.Henry Pun-Off World Championships in Austin May 3rd, Henry Lynn weaved this story filled with body parts.

I METACARPAL of friends last night. We went downtown to see the new PELVIS impersonator.

I could tell it was a HIP JOINT because it COCCYX BONES for a beer.

When the lights came down, we saw a big guy in a cape LUMBAR on stage with his BACK up band. He started the show with a dedication to his KNEES. "Anything that's part of you"

His act was terrific except for the band. A bunch of heavy metal rejects who kept fiddling around with their distortion PEDALS and PHALAILGES.

The crowd started RIBbing them. It was HUMERUS. I saw more than one MANDIBLE over from laughter.

At first PELVIS tried to appease them as he SLIPPED DISCS and 8 track CARTILAGES to the hecklers. Finally he just gave them a STERNUM warning.

I was sitting ULNA rail, wondering if the WRIST of the show was broadcast on the RADIUS.

When it was over I approached PELVIS and said, "I liked the show, I wouldn't FIBULA."

He said, "Thank you, Thank you very much, but we should'a practiced a FEMUR times. I thought they's gon' TARSUS and feather us. Mama was right, I should have stayed in SKULL."

I tried to raise his spirits by asking when the NECKS gig would be.

He said that after tonight's SHINdig they were going to pack it up and HEAD for the foot HEELS.

I asked, "so that means..."

"Yep," he said, "TIBIA-nounced."

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