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Archived Feghoots
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New Drugs This compilation is making the rounds. I received this one from Carol Eckert. The Food and Drug Administration has just announced the following drugs have been released for trial in the U.S. DAMITOL - Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours. ST. MOM'S WORT - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours. EMPTNESTROGEN - Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait until they moved out. PEPTOBIMBO - Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting. DUMEROL - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of western country music. (Combs note: This one is just wrong, of course.) FLIPITOR - increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. MENICILLIN - Potent antiBOYotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person....can we get naked now?" BUYAGRA - Injective stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree. BUY-ONE-AL - Extra Strength when combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminant buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osman CD or a book by Dr. Laura. JACKASSPIRIN - Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number. ANTI-TALKSIDENT - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers. SEXCEDRIN - More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome. RAGAMET - When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
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(c) 1996-2006 Alan B.
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