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The New Suit (An Adult Theme Shaggy Dog Story)
This is a classical tale that has been around for a while. This version was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv. Groan, indeed.
Joe was a successful lawyer, but he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his career and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across an old country doctor who solved the problem.
"The good news is that I can cure your headaches ...The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine, and the pressure creates a terrible headache. The only way to relieve the condition is to remove your testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered whether he had anything to live for. He couldn't even concentrate long enough to answer his own question, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital after the surgery he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he also felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live anew life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought: "That's what I need ... a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit", and picked one out.
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the suit and it fit him perfectly.
As Joe admired himself, the salesman said, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe, and said, "34 sleeve and a 16 1/2 neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman said, "How about new shoes?"
Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe's feet, and said, "Let's see 9-1/2 E."
Joe was astonished, "How did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman said, "How about some new underwear?
"Joe thought for a second, and said, "Sure."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see ... size 36."
Joe laughed, "Ah ha. I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old.
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear size 34. Size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
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