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The Tapeworm (Medical Shaggy Dog -- Adult Theme)
This is an old tale, one I remember from pharmacy school. Lowrie Beacham sent me a copy and versions have been posted on the groaners listserv.
A man had been feeling sick for several days. Finally he decided to try a new doctor who had just moved into town. After hearing the man's symptoms and listening to his belly with a stethoscope the doctor told him that he had a tapeworm.
"Oh, that sounds bad. How can I get rid of it?" asked the man.
"Come in tomorrow and bring with you three hard-boiled eggs and a lemon cookie," said the doctor.
When he saw a puzzled look cross the man's face, he said, "Trust me. I'm the doctor."
So, the next day the man brings in the hard-boiled eggs and the lemon cookie.
"Drop your pants, and bend over," says the doctor.
"What?" says the man.
"Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor.
So, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the eggs up his rear.
"Whoa! Hold on a minute, Jack!" screams the man.
"Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. About a minute later, SWOOSH! -- up goes the lemon cookie.
"Now pull up your pants and come back tomorrow with three hard-boiled eggs and a lemon cookie," says the doctor. As the infuriated man starts to protest the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm the doctor."
So, the man comes in the next day and he brings the hard-boiled eggs and the lemon cookie.
"Drop your pants and bend over," says the doctor.
"This again?" yells the man.
"Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. So, again, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the eggs up his rear.
"Oh! I can't believe I'm doing this!" says the man.
"Hold still now and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. About a minute later, SWOOSH! -- up goes the lemon cookie.
"Now pull up your pants and come back tomorrow with three more hard-boiled egg and another lemon cookie," says the doctor.
As the man starts to shake his head the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm the doctor."
So, this goes on daily for a week, until, the last day. After the man pulls up his pants, the doctor says, "Now come in tomorrow and bring three hard-boiled eggs and a hammer."
As the man turns pale, the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm the doctor."
The man gets no sleep that night, worried to death about what the hammer is going to feel like when it gets shoved up his rear. He almost stays home, but he still feels sick. So far, the treatments haven't helped and he's afraid he'll have to start over if he goes to a new doctor.
The man comes in the next day and he brings the hard boiled eggs and the hammer. "Drop your pants and bend over," says the doctor.
"But, why do we need a hammer?" asks the man nervously.
"Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. The man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the eggs up his rear.
"Please!" says the man, terrified of what is to come next.
"Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor.
About a minute later, the man is about to pass out from terror and he is involuntarily clenching his rear as tight as he can. But nothing happens. Several more minutes pass and he starts to relax.
The man is about to straighten up and ask the doctor what happened when the tapeworm sticks its head out his rear end and yells, "Where's my lemon cookie?!"
...and WHAM! Down comes the hammer.
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