Latest Feghoots

Archived Feghoots
1 - 50
51 - 100
101 - 150
151 - 200
201 - 250
251 - 300
301 - 350
351 - 400
401 - 450
451 - 500
501 - 550
551 - 600
601 - 650
651 - 700
701 - 750
751 - 800
801 - 850
851 - 900
901 - 950
951 - 1000
1001 - 1050
1051 - 1100
1101 - 1150
1151 - 1200
1201 - 1250
1251 - 1300
1301 - 1350
1351 - 1400
1401 - 1450
1451 - 1500
1501 - 1550
1551 - 1600
1601 - 1650
1651 - 1700
1701 - 1750
1751 - 1800
1801 - 1851
1851 - 1900
1901 - 1950
1951 - 2000
2001 - 2050

Shaggy Origins

What's New

Site FAQ

A Tall Ship Tale No. 2: Better Plate Than Never

Another of these fables by Paul de Anguera. It seems there are just no end to the variants on this particular punchline.

Boatswain Rhet Ayring was so humiliated by his ticklish failure that, as soon as the ship touched land, he deserted. This happened in Lisbon. The skipper sent out his first mate along with his dog, Ali, who could penetrate any disguise, to look for Rhet. But a storm had blown up and washed away the traces so that even clever Ali could not sniff him out.

So the Skipper sent out a press gang to look for a replacement for Rhet. That night they scoured all the lowest Portuguese dives for merchantman-sailors and any other incautious and able-bodied expatriates. As dawn broke they rowed back to the ship with a sullen and sorry-looking lot.

"Do what with such fools?" growled the Skipper, who was a miser even with words.

"I know they don't look promising," the First Mate admitted as the "recruits," many of them rather elderly for sea duty, formed a slovenly line on the main-deck. "But as I was marching them along, one of them dropped a letter-written in code. Nobody would claim it, but I'm certain that one of them used to be a, well, as you might say, an intelligence agent. You know how well Captain Jack Aubrey did once he'd hooked up with Stephen Maturin-contacts on shore, romantic encounters, signals in the dark, and all that sort of thing!"

"Aye," the taciturn Skipper grunted, and this encouraged the First Mate.

"Here's a list of them," he said, offering a delicate china dish gilded with the arms of a once-noble house. "We couldn't find any paper at the inn we raided, so I just wrote it on the back." The Skipper took the dish carefully; only one name on it mattered, but which?

The First Mate was thinking the same thing. "Anyone can see that the rest of these land-lubbers are no good for us. Which one should we keep, Skipper?" he asked.

The captives felt the sweeping rake of a crafty, heavy-browed gaze; then the...

...skipper culled a fragile list. "Take ex-spy. Ali, go choose!"

Served by Austin Web Publishing, Inc.

Sponsored by search engine marketing firm Apogee Search, providers of world class paid search advertising management and search engine optimization services. Apogee Search is a division of internet marketing firm Leads Customers Growth.

Designed and maintained by Brian Combs (info@briancombs.net).