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My Friend, Ed

A version of this story is in Himie Koshevoy's "Treasure Jest of Best Puns."

I have a friend, Ed, who lives on the coast of Maine. He is a painter and works in the local boat yard. He loves birds, and every day, before he goes to work, he feeds the shore birds that come in with the morning tides. He takes the best bird seed that he can find and mixes it with vodka so the seed is thoroughly saturated. He then goes out and feeds the mixture to the birds. He stays there long enough to be sure all the birds get well fed and become very drunk.

Ed believes that you should leave no tern unstoned.

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