Houston Oiler Joke Archive

I have been a Houston Oiler fan all my life, but as you certainly know, the Oilers are very hard on their fans. In an act of retribution, I have formed this Oiler Joke Archive.

We'll start with two of my favorites:

Did you hear about the sign posted in the elevator at the Astrodome? It read:

Would the lady who left her eleven children at the stadium please come pick them up? They're beating the Oilers 21-0.

and...

The Oilers were playing the Steelers. Someone lit off a firecracker and the Steelers, thinking it was the gun signalling the end of the half, headed for the showers. After only eight plays, the Oilers scored.

If you know of a good Oiler joke, please feel free to send it my way. Enjoy.

Brian Combs (combs@quadralay.com)

Christopher Lee Masson (masson@cs.utexas.edu)

I just heard one today....Goes like this:

"Hey, did you hear that they are moving the OJ trial to Houston?"

"No, why?"

"It seems they wanted to get the jurors as far away as possible from PROFESSIONAL football as possible!"

Being an Oiler fan myself, I can sympathize with the team..but 1-9 record. It's been a long time since it has been this bad. Maybe some Saints fans still have their paper bags for us to borrow....

System Administrator (news@twisto.eng.hou.compaq.com)

Yes, our 3 headed quarterback, Bucky Joe Carlson.

Heard some other jokes on the radio Monday morning on renaming the Oilers:

The Houston Hurlers:
They make me want to puke
The Houston Broilers:
Put a fork in 'em--their done
The Houston Opossums:
They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
The St. Louis Oilers:
Self-explanitory I think.

Simon Chadwick (chadwick@acm.org)

Why can't San Antonio get a professional football team?

Because then Houston will want one!

Richard Childress (rchldrss@io.com)

"Did you hear that Bud Adams has sold the Oilers to a group of investors from the Philipines?"

"No, really?!!"

"Yeah. They're gonna call them the Manilla Folders"

(I first heard this one after the *big* playoff loss to Buffalo a couple of years ago, but it still seems appropriate.)

Bill Thompson (billt@mcc.com)

This is a twist on the firecracker joke.

When the firecracker went off and the other team left the field, the Oilers had to punt four plays later. (I originally heard this as a game between Italians and Pollocks)

Ed Hunter (hunter@oatc.org)

[Ok, this was submitted as a Bengals joke, but I rewrote it as an Oilers joke. - BC]

A man came into a bar with his dog.

Bartendr: We don't allow dogs here.

Dog Owner: Please let him stay, our TV is down and he loves to watch the Oilers.

Bartender: Well, OK, but if he is a problem, you're outta here

They sit at the bar and the dog is quietly lapping at his beer. In 2Q, the Oilers kick a field goal. The dog goes wild, yipping, jumping up and down, tail wagging, etc.

Bartender: WOW, he really does enjoy the game. What does he do when the Oilers score a touchdown?

Owner: How would I know, the dog is only two years old.

Ed Hunter (hunter@oatc.org)

Judge, in child custody court: Well now, the child should have some say in this. Son, do you want to live with your mother?

Child: Oh no judge, don't make me live with her. She beats me. She beats me bad.

Judge: Well then, would you rather live with your father?

Child: Don't make me live with him. He beats me worse. He beats me awful bad.

Judge: Son, you have to live with somebody. Who do you want to live with?

Child: I want to live with the Houston Oilers, They never beat anybody.

Randy McIntyre (rmcintyr@esu2.esu2.k12.ne.us)

Why aren't the Oilers a true professional football?

They forgot their oil at home!

Tris Harter (tharter@sidwell.edu)

I went to an Oilers game last Sunday and I swear it was just like the Billy Graham Crusade. The stadium was packed and everybody was yelling "Jesus!"

Page provided by Austin child portraiture photographer, Brian Combs.