In Vino Veritas

In Wine is Truth

By Tom Gasson

Wine is certainly one of the few signs of progress for mankind that occured by accident. Centuries of archeological records show a historical cultivation of the vine. Egyptian scribes recorded viticultural tasks, harvests and even cellar work. Mesopotamian bas-reliefs depict the king with his concubine lounging under a grape arbor and leisurely sipping from a large shallow bowl. In the case of Dionysis not only was the grape an object of pleasure and devotion, but a cultish display of debauchery and the ultimate expression of catharsis gone wrong.
Such a stir for mankind. Unusual for a species that cautiously approaches almost every phenomena until we think we not only understand it but can pronounce it's virtues as safe and even mundane before we embrace it. Wine is embraceable and yet ultimately perplexing in some way to all. The basic chemistry (fermentation) was not even understood until the time of Pasteur, only several thousand years after the first cave man greedily hid a few clusters of grapes in a cave. Upon returning, his disappointment on finding a moldy syrup was forgotten in what must be the original business lunch. What made him repeat his folly?
In Vino Veritas. In wine is truth.
Does this mean that the patient study of an ancient medicine, food-stuff, avenue of pleasure and even a way of life reveals truth? Or does it mean you talk too much after drinking it? Somewhere in between is the truth. Why should we worship the gods of our fathers? Well for one thing they taste awfully good and in moderation with food can be part of a healthy, modern lifestyle. Yes, wine is one of the most satisfying ways to reward yousrself. How about a glass of white Burgundy: buttery and crisp with that bit of lobster. Go ahead, you've earned it. Now if only you understood it.
But that's the point of this column. I will guide you down the halls of sensuous taste, but if you have to ask why we are there, look again and I am gone. It has to be so. I can only show you the door. The taste and pleasure is all yours. You just have to let me help you find it.

Lesson #1

Grapes, grapes, grapes. You have to learn the grape varieties. Oh, I can hear the whining and gnashing of teeth already, "It's hard, it's like education!", you say. Have you ever seen a glistening, compact cluster of Chardonnay, greenish, with a hint of yellow indicating it's sumptuous ripeness, full of sugar - yet crisp and tart? Or how about a cluster of Gewurtztaminer (say what!) with it's unusual tan and pink accents. Both are an explosion of taste in your mouth as fresh grapes and yet both are crushed, pressed and vinified in radically different manners. These processes, done correctly can scintillate your taste buds.
Which one, of those grape varieties you ask? The answer is, it depends. You may not think much of that, yet if you really want to understand wine, get prepared to hear that answer. We will deal with such critical issues in future columns, but for now I must cut my losses and see where you are. First, my concern is with the sophisication of your wine paraphenalia. That's right- only those who truly love the vine will have the proper tools.
The first tool is inexpensive and practical. Forget the fancy corkscrews (we'll cover that later when you are a confirmed snob). The first course of business is for you to obtain a reasonable wine saving system. No, it's not software. It is in fact hardware. Cheap and effective hardware at that, and my number one recommendation for your initiation into our journey.

Wine tip of the Month
Before we discuss what you should drink, we need to discuss how you are drinking it. How many times have you looked in the refrigerator and happily pulled out a bottle of wine with a cork in it only to discover that after a few days it resembles dog pee? Well what did you expect. It is times like those that you have considered, incorrectly, that wine is not for you. Ignorance is no excuse.
A simple tool called Vacuvin is the answer.
You know, one of those rubber stopper things that you put in place of the cork. It comes with a pump that you pump up and down. That's it, just like they do in the restaurant. Why do they do it? Aside from making their cutomers experience the ugly expression of a once beautiful thing, no reason at all. If you want to hate wine, the quickest road to hell is drinking an oxidized wine. Experts say that it is hard to tell the chemical difference between slightly oxidized wine and fresh wine. The human nose will always take exception. Smell bad wine no more- you are free!
Vacuvin can be obtained for a paltry $10.00 or so at your favorite wine store. As a matter of fact, this brings up your first assignment. If you are not frequenting a friendly neighborhood wine store, get busy. There are people there who know wine. Ask them for a vacuvin. Ask them for a recommendation for wine. Now go home and drink the wine with dinner. What, you say you have a half of a bottle of wine left? Break open the box and get out your vacuvin. That's it, put in the stopper. Now pump. Ah... just wait until you come home tomorrow and pull out that bottle. No dog pee here.
Salut.